I was rich in Cuba!
- What the...! How stupid can you be? Why in the world did you leave?
- Wow! That hurt! But, wait, don't get mad at me! I left, because in Cuba there's a dictatorship, children are starving, police would throw me in jail because I want democracy, they torture me and blah, blah, blah...
Phew! Forget about that crap; I didn't leave because of that.
Listen, seriously, I still don't know why I left, 'cause, damn it, in Cuba, you can get anything you want, for real.
Look, let me tell you about my friend, Petronila, whom I met at Walmart last Monday. Who knows, maybe, you understand.
The last time I'd seen her was back in Cuba, like twenty years ago. Back then she was a walking skeleton, plain dry bones, no flesh at all, for real, and the only thing found in her freezer was a frozen orange.
When I saw her now, I almost didn't recognize her; the difference is like a hundred pounds!
A close encounter of the third kind.
Thankfully, ... for me..., of course, she was in a rush because she's going on a cruise to Punta Cana this weekend and was in a hurry to buy a tablet for her youngest daughter, you know, to keep her entertained and quiet. However, being Cubans after all, we had time for a little trash talk.
Now, watch, Petra told me, that she had traded in her old 2000 Corolla for a 2021 Ford Escape; she said she got a superb deal.
- You're making moves, huh? Look at you!
Petra didn't even blink and with a know-it-all look on her face, replied:
- Dude, my oldest daughter is pregnant, and we're going to need the extra space for all the stuff that new moms carry. But, she said very upset, with these Democrats and the skyrocketing gas prices! Imagine the extra expense!
- Let's change the subject, girl, please. Tell me, how's your husband?
- Well, Pepe is at the title agency right now picking up the key to the house we just bought. We finally made it after being saving since 2002 when we arrived in Miami thanks to the bombo ( visa lottery). Finally, the bank approved us for an FHA loan; we only put down 3.5%. Now, we need to save money for Pepe's poolside bar, because, guess what, he can't stop thinking about his stupid dream bar by the water.
Damn English, man.
- Other than that, well, English, that's the kicker, bro, we haven't learned squat, 'cause, you know what, who the hell needs English in Hialeah? At least, our daughters were born here, so they're Americans; they don't even think about Cuba. Pepe and I are a different story; we weren't kids when we finally got out of Cuba, and we can't stop thinking about the hood. Now, with the house and everything, our only concern is that we won't be able to send as much money to the family; but, well, they have everything they need, you know.
I miss Cuba!
Petra was silent for a few seconds and, suddenly, somewhat scared, she told me that she still doesn't know today what the hell Pepe and her are doing here.
- Since we wake up, we can't stop thinking that we have to save more money because Cachy is going to have a baby and her husband is a damn Cuban sob, and we're going to have to take care of everything. And, now, with the house, everyone has a room and a plasma, and Wi-Fi. F... that.
Oh, Cuba!
We were almost saying goodbye when, with nostalgia, she told me that they didn't have that many problems in Cuba. (I think she forgot that we knew each other from Cuba; but, well...).
- Think about it. What could we possibly need? That's Cuba, my friend! Pepe was working at a posada ( love motel) in Cerro, you know, lots of money under the table, and I was a cashier at a bakery a block from my house, you know, right?!
Well, actually, if it comes down to needing things, a bunch of stuff comes to mind; but I didn't say it, of course. I just thought about it. But, how about the 2021 Escape, the tablet, Pepe's bar, the Wi-Fi and the plasmas? Oh! And, bitching... a lot, because that's very important for any Cuban... out of Cuba, of course.
- And, the gasoline at Democrat prices on every corner, she repeated, as she walked away, but this time loud enough for everyone to hear her.
I bid her goodbye, wishing my friend a blast in Punta Cana, but not without giving props to the MAGA red cap she rocked so proudly.
Now, be honest and tell me, don't you see yet that in Cuba we don't miss a beat, or you still don't get it?
SPECIAL NOTE:
If you, my friend, ain't Cuban, but you read all this, you must have figured out by now that we Cubans dip out of Cuba 'cause we're clueless.