Searching the Cyberspace for the Trumpist Cuban Clown.
Adventures in the Land of Miami Cyber Patriotism: A Galactic Quest for the Trump-Adoring Cuban Clown.
Once upon a time, I felt lower than a gopher's basement. Deep inside, I realized I hadn't lifted a finger to support my fellow Trump-loving Cuban patriots, who didn't have a penny-pinching web's napkin sketch to let the world know how much they venerate Trump's lighthouse and spiritual guide, Fidel Castro. I swear, I'd looked everywhere! I scoured the web high and low, but it was like searching for a grain of sand in a digital desert. Zilch. Nada. I couldn't find a Trump-loving Cuban in cyberspace if my life depended on it!
The Trump-adoring Cuban diaspora vegetates in an unfathomable, pitch-black cybernetic darkness!
One rainy day, I woke up to the sound of thunder and decided to right a wrong. I had to do something because, damn it, my fellow Cuban wannabe dictators deserve a chance to let the world know that they are fourth-class clowns! It is a matter of principles and patriotism!
So, I said to myself: Let's build a Trump-ass-kissing website that the Cuban patriots can use to bow down to Donald Trump, their new master of choice, as well as to be reminded that they couldn't get enough of their former master of choice, Fidel Castro.
Some misadventure!
I am usually busy, but pulling the Cuban Trump-loyalist pretenders out of the twilight zone was a religious commendation, and I felt compelled to fulfill it.
I took a deep breath and made up my mind. Let's fight to make our Miami Cuban Trumpist jingoists famous in the world of the internet!
First, of course, I had to actually make sure that the Trump-loving Miami Cubans were not even listed in the free Yellow Pages. Next, I rushed to my computer and started searching online, in English, of course. Wait, I know, I know! Don't jump to conclusions just yet. I know that the Miami Cuban Trump-patriots are diehard republicans and have issues with Mary being a boy and Tom being a girl , but English is, I believe, what Donald Trump jives with.
I tried Cubans for Trump to begin with because I was almost certain I would bring home the bacon, and BINGO, I landed on a page that sells premium domains!
WOW! THERE WAS A 305 NUMBER TO CALL AND A GMAIL ADDRESS TO MAKE AN OFFER! LOOK AT THIS! ANY OFFER! THEY ACCEPT ANYTHING!
Hold your horses! Did I say Gmail? Are you kidding me? They sell premium domains and can't spare a few bucks for a decent email address?! What a joke! I was off to a rough start.
I didn't desperate. though. Actually, I tried again. But, this time, I looked for Cubans 4 Trump with a 4, because the original patriots who blocked me for calling them, well, idiots, used the number 4.
Strike two! This one is even worse. It doesn't open, and even Google gets scared. "Don't open it!" screams the alert.
Is it going to work in Spanish?
It looks like English doesn't always work in America. So, I decided to try my search in Spanish, which should have been my first option since Spanish is our mother tongue; but, you know, Trump-adoring idiots are weird, and you have to let them be.
I went to the search bar and tried everything that came to mind. Nothing. Zero. Nada. Cuban patriots are nowhere to be found! A sad reality just hit me in the face.
I had the answer to my doubts. Nobody hears my fellow Cuban patriots screaming louder and louder for Trump because they are cyber-invisible in the 21st century, mind you. And, that bothers me because, yes, it's true that the most ardent Cuban nitwits cheerleading Trump can hardly pay for a croqueta at the Versailles restaurant, but they could, at least, pretend a little harder and come together with a few bucks to pay for a moderately decent website, which doesn't cost that much. Is it patriotic stinginess, is it?
At this point, I wasn't feeling optimistic at all. The situation was rather depressing, and I felt it wasn't fair.
My time to shine had come!
I've dedicated part of my life to helping others, and the Trump-heart-hugging Cuban idiots are, well, that, but they are human beings and, on average, Cubans like me who need to express themselves.
I bought a cheap domain and designed a starter webpage to give them a space. It's the least I could've done in the name of freedom of expression and democracy.
You can see the results of my modest contribution to the ardent Cuban Trump-aficionados diaspora by clicking on:
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